gregoryogrieco: (bitches)
2018-01-23 11:26 am

all well and good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1_WhPbam8M

this is quite frustrating. i cannot figure out how to post music, photos, anything, here on dreamwidth. it is getting so frustrating i am about to just go back to LJ.
fuck. well anyways...it's been an interesting day, and it is not over yet by any means. mary-e called a couple times, i hung up on her at one point. she called back and i said, if you are not going to be nice, i'll just hang up...
i do miss her. kinda. i think what i miss is...the company. the companionship. the interaction. i have nothing to replace it.
at least not yet.
this afternoon i have an appt. with kate sandstrom at the cancer center. i will be seeing jillian. and she is going to drop me off at mom's, i will do her trash, and then i want to come home. bringing sandy's cat tower thingie back here...i hope it is not too hard to put together. i want to do it at once.
it was a good, longish, conversation with omar. after i hung up on her anyway. i am so happy i do not have to live with it anymore!
so life is pretty ok right now. i got cash in the bank, things to do, and slowly i am coming out of my self-imposed alienation.
oh, and i was right, i DO have a missed stitch in my wound...gotta see the doc! no way am i going to fuck with it and lori the nurse did not want to either...
gregoryogrieco: (Default)
2018-01-17 03:04 pm

just lately

Whew!
My sweet dear
You have been through a war
Several
Seen by Ivory Aprille at 2:15pm
Gregory
did i tell you what my medical doc said i was in excellent health, other than the obvious exceptions, like my lungs. she was not impressed i switched to vaping. i was so pumped to see her too, cause it's like the acid test, nowhere else on earth did i smell the cig stink like in her exam room.
Gregory
i smelled wonderful
but she's like WHY DID YOU NOT JUST QUIT? you were in the hospital a week!
i had no answer. she's right.
so she refilled more patches for me. fuck. shot down in flames
Gregory
far as war, yes, several, and each time i somehow rise to the occasion and muddle on through. it's either destiny, or indigestion. time will tell which.
haahaha that was pretty good...
gregoryogrieco: (crest)
2018-01-10 03:14 pm

and finally, she speaks..

Why can't you find Dan
Seen by Ivory Aprille at Tuesday 2:15pm
Gregory
well last week he went into the hospital with an infection...i think it was wednesday or thursday..and he has not been online, he has not called.
i just hope he's ok.
i just could seriously use some company.
being all alone here is not fun right now. i need people.
yesterday's card after i left omar a message at the shelter was the 3 of swords, which could not be clearer. something bad for me must end. could be omar. could be smoking. or both. today? ace of pentacles, a seed to sow for the future!
oh shit sandy is up. i gotta go to the store and get him food.
so i am just upset mainly cause omar did not call me after messages left sunday and monday. and like i said, i hope it means she is actually no longer there to get them. i hope she found a place. i won't worry if that is the case.
i'll be happy for her and i still have tons of her stuff for her to decorate it. at least a dozen flags...her prints, some books
TUE 4:50PM
Gregory
gonna try smoking some pot. sun is going down and i have everything sandy needs for a week about.
i still feel kinda crappy.
tomorrow i think i will call my social worker. try and get in to see my shrink. i need help. you know what i might end up doing? maybe go to a meeting at the church. now that i DO NOT SMOKE
i will feel more welcome in those rooms. previously, i would sit there and jones for a smoke the entire meeting. my sense of smell is coming back rapidly!
Gregory
doing the last load of laundry that was hanging in my closet..that's done. i can SMELL it now! the stench! it is going to take some work to be rid of it.
next i have to start washing everything in my dresser. i also need to decide what to do here, move sleeping upstairs? i need furniture. i need a lot of stuff.
i have been living down here on the first floor for like, over two years i think. a long time. the upstairs is completely empty.
Gregory
i have been delaying, because i want to wash the walls and ceiling in those two bedrooms. they are disgusting with smoke stains. then they need to be painted. THEN i will worry about using them, getting furniture, etc etc. i will at least need a second tv. i can use my kindle for internet up there.
Gregory
i also have a laptop on my wishlist...need a pc up there!
10:37AM
Gregory
new vaping unit arrives today and soon i'll have it charged up and i can just go wild
12:51PM
Gregory
ooo got my yummie cinnamon back!! so far it's my favorite. yum yum gimme some
2:43PM
Gregory
ahhhh well. she called my mom's. she is still at the shelter. good i am glad to know she is ok. going to mom's tomorrow
i am, not her. i expect she'll call me soon tho.
i am febrezing the pillows now...
almost done...taken two full days to do. no more smoky smell
Gregory
and there she is!! ha hahahahaha i knew it. ok. that was of course interesting. damn. i think i might go write this down. wowo wowie wow wow she is just so so loony! i love her so much. i guess what just happened is...she is still looking for a place, she wants to send me 20 bucks a month to pay the 'back rent' and she wants her belongings. i told her what i had for her. she is not medicated but i expect will turn up here at some point. when i mentioned her arrest she told me she did not want to talk about it.
Gregory
she sounded possessed by the 'general balustrade in the marine corps' alter ego. she insisted i say 'i agree' to the 20 buck a month repayment plan. LOL 😀
😬
gregoryogrieco: (chao)
2018-01-06 02:27 pm

maybe writing will help

i am dangerously lonely today.
i am not just missing omar, i am missing HUMANITY.
i have very little human to human contact in my meager existence. i need more. i do. i am lonely and horrid and i feel awful about myself. i don't even deserve omar kinda thing. not even a crazy woman wants to be with me...
writing is not going to help at all. i am tempted to call the shelter and leave mary a message. now that the doctor/surgery thing is ended finally, i have nothing to do til next friday i think.
i could so so do with a get together. maybe if i just...ask her out..
she won't though. when i talked to her last, right before my surgery, she flat out told me no, i am not going to visit you in the hospital. and she did not/. there's yer answer right there greg.
how did love turn to hate? what the fuck did i do?
i have spent a lot of time with mom, which is time well spent, so i do not know why i am so lonely and forlorn today, it's saturday, it's sunny, if brutally cold.
dan is not around, and i wish he was. i want company dammit. i need humanity!
gregoryogrieco: (Default)
2018-01-06 01:08 pm

yes i am still alive

i miss mary-eleanor fiercely.
will i ever get over her? ever? and why do i love her so? WHY?
here i am. in a new year. not writing squat. recovering from my lung surgery. and all i can think about is seeing my ex-wife. but it is not the reality of mary. it is my idealized concept of mary. of the good days so long ago now. i would do anything to have my loving wifey back.
my lung is healing, my side is healing, slowly and painfully, but it's getting there. and something super wonderful happened yesterday when i got home from mom's and the hospital. clara popped back up!! i missed her too! so that is a good thing. but it does not mitigate my pain and loneliness.
i am a hurting unit, and will be for some time yet.
so here ya go< into 2018! i have only been alone since September and it feels like half my life..
gregoryogrieco: (Default)
2017-12-20 10:29 am

oh lord here we go

today is the day. will i survive? i have no clue.
at 1:45pm i am having lung surgery.
that is all.
gregoryogrieco: (Cale)
2017-12-19 06:55 am

east cleveland

i am at mom's, from yesterday on, and sandy is not a happy camper. he spent hours hissing at everyone and everything, but i laid out my bathrobe, which smells like me of course, and he curled up and is sleeping on it now.
seeing doc stanascu went well, she curbed my fears quite a bit, and told me that except for the hep c, the prostate cancer, and now this lung tumor, i am in excellent health lol!
good to know.
well charlotte is not working today and it's lunch time there, coming on dawn here, and i need to crash...
gregoryogrieco: (chao)
2017-12-17 12:12 pm

last day at home for a while

tomorrow i go to mom's for probably at least a week, with a stay in UH in the middle. i am terrified i am not going to live through this. i do not want to die. i love life and want to keep living it.
yesterday at jeff's was fun but i did not feel well so i was happy to get back home around 5pm. i was in bed by 6, and did not get out til 8:30 this morning.
i am frightened and i do not know what is going to happen next. how can i quit smoking?? HOW?
cause i cannot go longer than an hour without wanting one. how am i going to not smoke FOREVER??
i don't think i can do it, honestly. i just hope i don't die as a result. it is not my fault i grew up during a time when smoking was acceptable, even yes encouraged. i was hooked by 12, 1976. more than forty years ago. and it is a wicked strong addiction, at least for me, and others like me.
fuck. ah well. all i can do is do my best.
gregoryogrieco: (george)
2017-12-16 10:09 am

she calls!!

yes, the message i left with the nice black lady at the shelter worked! thank you for her powers that be, i suspected that the old white bitch who took the previous three was not trying to help at all. nice black ladies rule man!
so she woke me up, and will try and visit me at UH. she apologized for tuesday's snafu.
i love her so much! i always will. no matter what happens. god bless nice black ladies and mary-eleanor kelsey..
gregoryogrieco: (daniele)
2017-12-14 01:28 am

my god! I AM PROUD OF YOU ALABAMA!!

jones won in the special election in alabammie! a DEMOCRAT in the senate from ALABAMA
it is mind boggling. and so so so awesome.
ok dudes, you sold me. i'm a gonna come visit, should i survive my cancer that is.
if i am even alive this time next week
i don't think god will let me die til i get to visit muscle shoals..
gregoryogrieco: (erisapple)
2017-12-12 01:55 pm

it DID NOT go well

i ended up not meeting her, i had too much going on at the hospital. i called and left her a message with the joanne woman whose phone she used early this morning, but got no call back til 11, when i was already back in euclid.
she said some not nice things...she was uber upset, way more upset than she should have been. she told me she regretted every meeting me, regretted ever getting involved with me, and none of her other husbands ever had her arrested. she blew off the probation lady. not a good move omar.
i was so upset i could barely speak. mom was worried.
so, back home, called her again, left a message saying well i went through the mail and i see why she is so upset...
but not my fault! noone to blame but her.
in any case, i arranged for a ride monday to see doc stanescu, and cancelled my tuesday meeting with kate sandstrom til after the holidays.
now..i got nothing to do til saturday, when the family holiday get together is happening at jeff and lee's.
i hope mary calls back. but i have to let it go. she should have done what she was supposed to do.
gregoryogrieco: (borisgrin)
2017-12-11 08:28 pm

just a moment

I pray tomorrow goes well
gregoryogrieco: (Default)
2017-12-11 12:33 pm

yes i am still alive...

I have been waiting to hear..
omar is doing fine. I am meeting her tomorrow downtown...thank you god.
my surgery is still set for the 20th. when i told her, she started crying. this is why I love her.
gregoryogrieco: (chao)
2017-11-13 02:52 pm

best early birthday present

it was not the fifty bucks mom sent me via paypal.
it was the fact that i was wrong and omar is still in cleveland. at the shelter. she called mom yesterday trying to track down her cash out check, which did not come this month. i left a message at the shelter for her. i hope she is doing well!
i bought myself some new music, of course. what else do i EVER want on my birthday but more tuneage?
and news that the love of my life so far is still in town and i hope to hear from her soon.
thank you powers that be! wish fulfilled!
gregoryogrieco: (Default)
2017-10-31 09:22 pm

happy halloween!

i did not get up til 4, and i am so tired still. crawling into bed again, hope to write about the wedding soon
gregoryogrieco: (pent)
2017-10-19 11:29 pm

The Tower

was the card of the day. and what happens? omar calls from st. vincent charity, medicated and wonderful again,
and i get a phone call from doc stanescu at 6:30pm, and you know if yer actual doc is calling with results they ain't gonna be good..
and they are not. the ct scan found a new and frightening large nodule in my left upper lobe. now i need a PET scan next. it's so big and grew so fast it almost HAS TO BE CANCER.
soooo...yeah. the tower. radical sudden and overwhelming change.
i think all this qualifies, don't you?
if i have to die dear lord, or eris, or whoever you are that i pray to, let me spend my final days with the woman i love, medicated wonderful talented mary-eleanor kelsey.
gregoryogrieco: (hammerbox)
2017-10-11 06:02 pm

word from on high

well today i got a call from both the welfare lady (food stamps go up to 169, next month) and mary's new probation officer.
who seems like a very nice lady, we played phone tag and hope to hear back from her on the morrow.
man, spotify's custom made playlists, there are five geared to me, are very impressive. i like.

so mary is on probation for a year and is still in the workhouse. she is not thank goodness homeless on the streets in the rain. she is dry and safe, and if i know her, having a blast. she actually really likes jail.
i love my honey. never ever boring!!
her new PO will call me back tomorrow i am sure, and if she is close, i might go meet her. i could bring HER omar's stuff if need be. the judge i was informed, told her to stay away from me. so she can't come over here unbidden. she will do better with rules to follow. her problem here is, she has unfettered freedom. and she does not do well in that environment. frankly.
i am TOO easy going lol! if i were a hardass ex marine type she would kiss my ass probably.
lol well, we are equals, and i treat her as such.
my headache is finally gone and i am kinda hyper after getting that news today!
gregoryogrieco: (honey/baby)
2017-10-09 01:39 pm

the first smoke is always the best...

writing on the kindle in the tub.
which works well actually, I am beginning to think dreamwidth is optimized for use as an app. today so far has been a dynamite day...jillian called and we talked for almost a half hour.
mom calls, ivory replied to my messages and included her phone number. so i hope to talk to her for real for real damn soon. maybe even tonite.
i am, in the meantime, very very tired. i think the infection in my chest is getting fixed by my Uber Immune System.
after eating a taquito feast i am going to lay the hell down. i'm whupped on a nice cool rainy day
gregoryogrieco: (Default)
2017-10-06 12:37 pm

the day after omar goes to court

i was waiting to find out what happened before i wrote a single word.
she pled no contest and has been referred for mental health treatment. the prosecutor told me to call probation, which i did, leaving a message.
so she's on probation i gather. good. i hope they can convince her to take meds and see a doc.
i am leaving it up to the powers that be. we all know what i want and hope happens. i want my wife back.
hopefully absence makes her heart grow fonder of moi'
i do not miss her over much. i still feel like she is not coming back this time. unlike all the other times she was hospitalized or took off, for erie, wherever, i always knew she would be back. not this time.
we are really parting ways it seems in my soul.
mom will be coming over shortly to drop off my new mattress bags, to prevent any future infestations of my beloved bed that dad gave me. it's a NICE BED man!! so happy i did not lose it!
so thank you powers above, for taking care of me, and mary-eleanor, all these years. i appreciate it uber much.
i slept very well last night, and the news today was good. i am glad she is on probation.